Please feel free to print out or "Save as... Text" this article to your hard drive. (Microsoft Explorer browsers may lose spacing between paragraphs.)
"ANOTHER LOOK..." is an ongoing column I write for Vital Signs Newsletter, a quarterly publication of the International Association For Near-Death Studies. Each segment will appear here from now on, as well as in the Newsletter. This new feature gives me a format with which to explore varied issues about near-death states. Should you wish to make a comment or want to suggest future topics, please feel free to contact me. I may be able to use your suggestions directly. Thank you. P.M.H. Atwater, L.H.D., Ph.D. (Hon.)
P.M.H.Atwater, L.H.D., Ph.D. (Hon.) P. O. Box 7691 Charlottesville, VA 22906-7691
© 1999 P.M.H.Atwater, L.H.D., Ph.D. (Hon.)
Note: August 11th is the release date for
CHILDREN OF THE NEW MILLENNIUM from Three Rivers Press.
You should be able to get a copy from your
favorite bookstore by then if you are interested. The book
concerns my study of children's near-death states, and more
specifically focuses on 277 child experiences, 44 of which
filled out a lengthy and very probing questionnaire.
Since the three appendices were deleted from the book by the
publisher, I self-published them under the title SUBTEXT TO CHILDREN
OF THE NEW MILLENNIUM. The Subtext is available now for downloading
over my website, or you can obtain it directly from me in printed form.
It will not be in bookstores.
Straight-away, I want to admit that I was incorrect about a
previous finding I made. I claimed that children's episodes do not
cover the broad range of experience types as do that of adults. My
new study has proved me wrong.
Although most of the child experiencers I interviewed ex-
perienced "Initial" near-death states, a hefty 76%, some had hellish
experiences, some heavenly, a few were even abstract and transcendent.
The youngest to have a distressing, unpleasant scenario that I came
across was only nine days old. . . the baby girl was traumatized by the
ghoul-like beings who threatened her when she "died" during surgery.
The event haunted her through-out her childhood, and was not resolved
until she had a second near-death experience twenty-eight years later
that explained the first one.
That child experiencers deal with the same pattern of af-
tereffects as adult experiencers was borne out, but they tend to
respond differently. . . sometimes, exactly the opposite. We all
thrill to "out-of-the-mouth-of-babes" stories without focus-
ing on the individual child: how does he or she feel about what
happened? How does the phenomenon, both the experience and the
aftereffects, affect the youngster as the years pass? How does it look
through the child's eyes?
This viewpoint, missing from research, was brought to bear
quite powerfully for me in 1994 when I found myself sitting in a
station wagon full of child experiencers and their mothers -
listening to a barrage of complaints. What they were claiming
ran counter to what other researchers were saying, but matched
observations I had made since 1978. This encounter inspired me
to design a special questionnaire to use in a project of re-
checking all of my previous work as related to kids.
What I would like to do in this column, however, is discuss
some of the differences I found between child and adult experi-
encers as a way to open the door to this new material, in advance
of the book, CHILDREN OF THE NEW MILLENNIUM.
To set the stage, let me say it truly takes a child experi-
encer to understand a child experiencer. A young man, prefer-
ring to call himself "A Child from Minnesota, was suffocated at
the age of three and a half by an older brother. Here is his version
of the challenges faced by youngster who experiences the near-
death phenomenon.
"Children react differently to near-death episodes than
adults because the set of experiences they have to compare
them with is smaller. To an adult, such a phenomenon is only
one of many life occurrences. But to a child, a near-death experience
is the world itself, or 'all there is.' A child has a more dif-
ficult time 'drawing the line' between what is eternal and what
is earthly. Children are forced to rely on the experience more,
simply because they lack what adults can draw from. This colors
everything children think, say, and do."
He continues: "Speaking for myself, I have come to under-
stand that the long-term effects of this phenomenon have been
very large indeed. These effects include - 1) an ability to de-
sensitize the self from physical sensations; 2) an ability to
communicate through nonverbal and nonauditory means; 3) a par-
tial loss of ability to communicate verbally and auditorially;
4) problems reintegrating the ethereal self back into the physi-
cal self; and 5) challenge interacting socially."
"My experience of being out-of-body enabled me to learn
very young how to perform the separation of body and spirit. My
understanding of the process, however, was unconscious. I did
not know what I was doing or how I was doing it until much la-
ter. This first experience arose as a result of intense pain;
so, in the beginning, I used this skill simply to avoid pain.
Since the skill itself was unconscious, it quickly became a
knee-jerk reaction to discomfort of all sorts. Eventually, I
came to remain in that state as much as possible. This led to
an inability to function socially. As I desensitized myself to
my own feelings, I was equally unable to feel the pain or joy of
others. And, as I explored this state, emotions, people, and all
social life grew ever more foreign to me - I grew ever more
withdrawn. I have come to believe that body and spirit need to
nourish each other, and cannot remain separate indefinitely."
Almost every child experiencer becomes adept at dissocia-
tion, as did A Child from Minnesota. "Dissociation" was former-
ly used in the field of psychiatry as a label to describe indi-
viduals who "withdrew" or "severed from" any
association with their body and/or environment. It was considered
an aberrant mental state, unhealthy. Current thinking on the subject has
shifted considerably as more mental health professionals are now
recognizing that dissociation may actually be a natural bypro-
duct of consciousness as it develops along new lines of thought
and creative imagination, that it is more a sign of adaptation
than insanity. But, as A Child from Minnesota finally learned,
even positive skills that enrich our lives can becomes "crut-
ches."
Without a supportive framework for understanding in the
wake of their near-death episode, a child experiencer can easily
feel as if he or she is either stupid, crazy, or suddenly "for
-eign." Family and friends who are unaware of what such an ex-
perience can entail may find their child's sudden behavior changes
either frightening or perhaps an attention-getting ploy, maybe
even the product of an overactive imagination. Responses like
these limit any gains to be had, and often push the child toward
repressing the event altogether.
If we compare research results between child experiencers
and what I previously did with adults, differences can be
startling. To begin with, 57% of the children once grown went on
to enjoy long-lasting and for the most part happy marriages
(whether married once or twice). Adult experiencers, on the
other hand, had tremendous difficulty forming or maintaining
stable relationships afterward; fully 78% of their marriages
ended in divorce.
I found that both groups experienced unusual increases or
decreases in light sensitivity: about 75% with the kids, which
is close to the adult range of between 80 to 90%. Whereas
adults evidenced 73% with electrical sensitivity, I did not find
such a high percentage with kids - about 52% - which may be more
a reflection of who has access to technological equipment rather
than a true deviation. Older experiencers were four times more
likely to become vegetarians than the younger crowd.
Afterward, parent/sibling relationships tended to be
strained for child experiencers. Additionally, the kids were more
likely than the adults to be challenged socially and to re-
port having regrets about what happened to them. An astounding
number of children wanted to go back to The Other Side of Death's
Curtain after their experience, even if that meant sui-
cide. Child experiencers, whether still young or grown, seldom
saw a counselor, and received less help if they did go to one.
This is not true with adult experiencers - contrary to how loud-
ly they may protest. Because the disparity between children and
adults in this area is so enormous, it begs further exploration.
Here's what I found.
Family/friend alienation - within five to ten years after
their episode, one-third of the child experiencers in my study
admitted to having serious problems with alcohol. Almost to a
person, they claimed that undeveloped social/communication
skills were the culprit, along with an inability to understand
what motivated family members and friends (why people around
them did what they did).
Unfortunately, 42% of those I interviewed befell the tra-
gedy of parental and sibling abuse. And note the sibling abuse;
big brothers and big sisters can pack a mean wallop or give a
nasty squeeze when they're goofing off or angry. The worst of
all horrors, always, is parents who mistreat their young. While
such abuse is rampant throughout the general population, the ad-
ditional challenges inherent with the near-death phenomenon and
its aftereffects seem to exacerbate situations that are already
less than ideal.
Still, there's another aspect to the issue of alienation
that, for the child, may be even more profound. Completely
aside from any abuse or peer pressure from family and friends,
and whether or not parents are supportive, the most significant
factors in cases involving children that I found was who or what
greeted the child on The Other Side of death, and, how the epi-
sode ended. What parent, no matter how wonderful or loving, can
compare with Holy Spirit? What person, friend or foe, can in-
terest a child who has visited the bright realms and become
buddies with an angel? But, for the child experiencer, connect-
ing with such transcendent love and then abruptly losing that
connection, can be very confusing if not devastating.
The issue of suicide - children reason differently. Unac-
customed to a consideration of cause and effect, they tend to
act on impulse; hence the high degree of alcoholism and an at-
tempted suicide rate of 21%. It seems perfectly logical to a
child that the way to rejoin the light beings met in death is to
simply die and go back. This is not recognized by them as self-
destructive. Yet it is the children, not the adults, who are
the most likely to leave the "heaven" of their near-death epi-
sode and return to life just so their family will not be sadden-
ed by their death.
Parent/child bonding is initially quite strong. These kids
want to be with the families. That bonding brings them back time
after time. When I interview youngsters, their common re-
tort is "I came back to help my Daddy" or "I came back
so Mommy won't cry." The parent/child bond doesn't begin to
stretch thin or break until after the child revives. That climate of
welcome or threat they are greeted with directly impinges on everything
that comes next.
Money, mission, and home - look at what occurs once child
experiencers mature: job satisfaction 80%, home ownership 68%.
Add to that those long-lasting marriages and you get a picture
of contentment adult experiencers can't even begin to match, and
one that the general population might envy. Maybe it's the add-
ed years, the extra time children have to experiment with what
works and what doesn't as they grow up. In fairness, adults are on
the opposite end of the developmental curve, with the bulk of their
lives behind them. It is interesting to note, though, that salary
motivates neither adult or child experiencers, as the majority
tend to eschew money and materiality, possessions and rewards.
Why is it, then, that so many child experiencers, once grown,
put such strong emphasis on home ownership? Adults
can't wait to be rid of their mortgages; kids can hardly wait to
have one, and once they get it, they keep it. Their attachment
to home, I believe, is a direct result of losing their "real
home" when a youngster. This "wound" appears to create a sub-
conscious need to make certain that no one can ever take away
their home again.
Youngsters seldom do anything about "mission" (the reason
they believe they came back to life) until they are older, even
if they know what their mission is. Adults seem almost driven to
communicate theirs and mobilize necessary energies quickly.
Yet it is the kids who wind up doing more and making more of a
positive and lasting contribution to society. Perhaps this is
another finding that simply reflects the age difference, but maybe
not. I have observed that child experiencers tend to ma-
ture rapidly after their episode, while adults become more
child-like. Thus, while the kids cogitate and plan, their
seniors take all manner of risks and "jump with the wind." Li-
terally, the kids come back as the "grown-ups;" the adults re-
vert to "children."
Judgement - The non-judgmental aspects of near-death epi-
sodes are touted by almost everyone. . . the very real presence
most adult experiencers report of unconditional love and for-
giveness. But with children, a different storyline emerges:
many are met on The Other Side of death by a being whose role is
that of a "critical or loving parent." This parental-type
figure either gives orders, judges them for past deeds, or in
some manner prepares them to meet and fulfill their destiny by
warning them in advance of what to look out for and how to be-
have. It is true that images of a "critical or loving parent"
occur more often in cases from Asia, Asia Minor, and indigenous
cultures like Native Americans; yet child experiencers from the
industrialized nations also report similar "lectures," as well.
There is a counterpoint to this with adult experiencers,
and I would say it is the "past-life" review. Other children,
teenagers, and adults have a lot of these - an opportunity to
witness or relive their past experiences in this life and see
how these actions affected others. Even though some report a
tribunal arrangement, judges actually judging them for past in-
discretions, errors, or mistakes, most claim that it was "me
judging me" - an opportunity to fully experience the end-result
of deeds and decisions so they could learn from what happened
and do better in the future.
The impact of "judgment," either learning from the past-
life review or being subject to orders or criticisms, strongly
interweaves what comes next in the experiencer's life, irrespec-
tive of his or her age, and can be a major component to how well
the aftereffects are integrated. With child experiencers here are
some specifics:
CHARACTERISTICS TO BE ALERT FOR IN CHILDREN
** A powerful need to have a "home," even if only their own
bedroom.
** An equally strong desire to have an "altar" of some kind in
their "home." Anything on their altar they consider to be
holy.
** An intense curiosity about God, worship, and prayer. Many
insist that their parents take them to church afterward,
and any church is fine.
** An unusual sensitivity to whatever is hurtful or to lies,
especially as reflected in national and world events - and
- the "white lies" parents and siblings often tell.
** Loss of boundaries, as if they have "no skin." Many have to
relearn social courtesies, common rules and regulations.
** An ability to merge into or become one with animals, plants,
or whatever is focused on. Borders on self-identification
in multiples. Can ease back to normal self-image with age
and increased socialization.
** Heightened otherworldly activity and psychic displays. Drawn
to mysticism and paranormal phenomena.
** A change in sleep patterns. May forego naps entirely in
favor of increased flow states.
** An awareness of the "life continuum" and anything "future,"
including future memory episodes (remembering the future as
already "lived").
** Often become fast talkers and fast thinkers, with a driving
need to create, invent, read, learn. May be misdiagnosed
as having Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). Explore alter-
natives first before trying drugs, as child experiencers
may be hyper-sensitive to pharmaceuticals afterward, as are
the majority of adult experiencers.
** Behavior changes in school. Just as many become disruptive
and angry as withdrawn and quiet. This can carry over into
family life, with authority figures merely tolerated.
To understand children's cases, we must keep in mind that
kids are tuned to different harmonics than adults. Concepts of
either life or death leave them with puzzled faces. "I don't
end or begin anywhere," a youngster once told me. "I just reach
out and catch the next wave that goes by and hop a ride. That's
how I got here."
This child, like other young experiencers, speaks in the
language of "other worlds," one that is less verbal and more akin
to synesthesia (multiple sensing). The ability enables them to
perceive what we call "reality" as consisting of layered
realms unrestricted by physical boundaries. Hence, they easily
giggle with angels, play with ghosts, and pre-experience the
future. Parents generally find such behavior cause for alarm.
The kids think it's wonderful.
The child who returns from a near-death episode is a re-
modeled, rewired, reconfigured, refined version of the original
model. The changes they undergo are more dramatic than those of
adults, not because their aftereffects are different, but, I
suspect, because they are still in the process of basic brain
development. They are "hit" with an impactual, and in most
cases, life-changing experience, at a time when they are the
most vulnerable to the power of such a shift.
Adult episodes seem more geared toward what I call "a
growth event" afterward, an opportunity for the experiencer to
make "course corrections."
Child experiencers seem more geared toward what I call "an
evolutionary event," part of what may advance humankind. The
differences in how they think, how they perform, what seems to
be happening to their brain, is a subject that deserve serious
attention. . . and clinical studies.
______________________________________________________
P.M.H.Atwater's FUTURE MEMORY, the paperback edition, is due out
from Hampton Roads Publishing Company, this summer, mid-July.
Don't forget CHILDREN OF THE NEW MILLENNIUM by August 11.
One more: THE COMPLETE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO THE NEAR-DEATH EXPERI-
ENCE through Macmillan (and with co-writer, David Morgan) comes
out later this year (no pub date at this time). That makes three books
for Atwater this summer and fall. Each one features
IANDS, and should generate new interest in the organization and the
topic of near-death experiences. Check Atwater's website for details:
www.pmhatwater.com
Visitors to this site.